31 Days of Wellbeing: Day 15

Day 15 of 31 Days of Wellbeing

This is probably the hardest mental activity to do so far. We are often told to make a list of our strengths as part of a wellbeing challenge, but in Fearne Cotton’s ‘Happy: Journal’ book, I was asked to do something completely opposite, which was scary but actually a useful activity!

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. Marilyn Monroe

Yes, I am asking you to think about your imperfections. Be honest about what you think your shortcomings are. However, a couple of rules! Firstly, remember you are your worst critic. If your friend was to make a list of your shortcomings, they would probably struggle to think of one, so don’t freak out if your mental list of flaws is long.

Secondly, as you think of an imperfection, try to make peace with it. Accept that you are not perfect. Does anybody actually like a person with no flaws? Does that person even exist? It isn’t a person I could get on with! Flaws are relatable, remember. Try to think of a positive point from the flaw as well, e.g. perhaps you are over-emotional but that could also be a sign that you care, which is lovely!

Here are a few from my list:

  • Oversensitive (positive: I am a big softie really who cares too much)
  • Passive-agressive (positive: I hate confrontation and avoid scary fights)
  • Quiet in big groups and meetings (positive: I listen well and it would be a problem if everybody in a group is loud and overbearing)
  • Untoned thighs (positive: I am very relatable, a lot of women suffer from this from what I hear!)

I will stop there…you don’t want to go on and on with this list because that will eventually make you feel rubbish! But think of 4-5 and the key to healthy wellbeing is to learn to accept these imperfections and see them in a more positive light.

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Boost of the Day

it-doesnt-matter-what-others-are-doing-it-matters-what-you-are-doing

Comparison is truly the bloody thief of joy! I, amongst many others, am terrible for this. Only yesterday, I was running further than I have gone in months (rather slowly mind!), and I was beating myself up because other people were overtaking me. Why wasn’t I praising myself for running further than usual instead?

It got me thinking again about how we compare ourselves to others and the negative effect on self-esteem and happiness this has. We need to force ourselves to focus on our own story and achievements, but how realistic is this? Can we stop comparing our looks, our personality, our achievements with others? Perhaps it is a case of reminding ourselves that yes, he has a great job and she has the perfect figure, but this does not necessarily make them better or happier people. Think of your own achievements, your own unique qualities which others do not have.

In my instance, will running faster than others make me a better person than them? NO. Will running faster than others make me happier than them? Again, it’s a no. Avoiding comparison completely seems near impossible, but we can take time to put it into perspective and manage our thoughts to create a more realistic picture of ourselves and others.

Boost of the Day

sometimes-we-need-to-go-backward-before-we-can-go-forwards

Well, after a 4 month break here I am writing again. Partly because I have missed having a hobby like this – blogging is a fantastic way to be creative and get writing. However it is also partly because I miss having an outlet where I can (hopefully) help raise others’ and my own self-esteem.

Writing this blog helped me to build myself up again after going through a period of low self-esteem, stress and depression. I have never been naive enough to think I would never feel low again, and indeed I am certainly still learning that it takes time to manage feelings of low self-worth. It is an ongoing journey and I am going backward to my blogging days to hopefully help myself and others to keep moving forwards and keep raising self-esteem.

As the boost of the day suggests, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to go backward, to reflect on the past, to regroup, to relearn and move forwards into a positive future. Life will never be a straightforward path after all!

Boost of the Day #173: Show them how to love you

Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely,that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done.

Love yourself and you will teach others to do exactly the same. Teach others to treat you with respect and love by showering yourself with care and affection. If you do not learn to love yourself, how can you expect others to?

I created this website because I understand how important self love is to happiness! Explore this website for tips on how to increase your self-esteem!

Addressing common self-esteem issues: Issue #11

Over the next few weeks, I am looking at common thoughts that people with low self-esteem have, found within this Buzzfeed article, and how we can possibly address them. For the full list, click here.

buzzfeed 11

It isn’t just women who suffer from low self-esteem issues. Men are expected to have high levels of confidence and ‘have everything together’ mentally, particularly when it comes to relationships. Most women would list ‘high self-confidence’ at the top of their list when it comes to what they are looking for in a partner. There is a lot of pressure on men to be self-confident, so it must be incredibly hard for men with low self-esteem.

So what can you do to increase your confidence talking to women you want to date?

  • Firstly, act interested and ask questions. There are so many men who are over confident (or at least appear that way) and come across as arrogant. This can be very off-putting for women. So just focus on acting interested. If you ask questions, you don’t have to worry so much about talking about yourself and thinking what to say next. When you get a response, then this should lead you nicely into opening up about yourself.
  • Make friends with women. Forget about relationships and dating for a while, and just concentrate on friendships. This means you can practise talking to women without any pressure. It becomes much easier to talk to the ones you are attracted to in this way. If you have no female friends, chat more to your mate’s girlfriend, female relatives or women at work.
  • Finally, going back to the quote we are looking at…this person apparently ‘knows’ girls won’t go for someone like him. Consider your thought patterns – are they logical? What alternate perspectives are there? Cheesy as it sounds, there is someone out there for everyone. Every person is good enough and deserves a loving relationship. You just need to believe in YOU and keep faith that you will find someone as wonderful as you…

 

Boost of the Day #161: Teach others what you deserve

Never accept anything less than what you deserve. Remember, you teach people how to treat you.

If you let people walk all over you, you are teaching them a lesson. That they can walk all over you and get away with it. So they will learn from this lesson, and do it again.

What’s the alternative? When somebody does something which makes you unhappy, tell them this is not welcome and not acceptable. They will learn a valuable lesson that you will not tolerate anything less than what you deserve. And you will be treated with respect.

Remember, you teach others how to treat you…

Boost of the Day #160: Believing your thoughts

Don't believe everything you think

Your brain is an incredibly powerful organ. Your thoughts can have a powerful impact on your mood and your life. Positive thinking often leads to smiles, success and happiness. Negative thinking can lead to anxiety, depression and at worst, suicide.

You need to treat your brain with the respect such a powerful organ deserves. If it makes you ill, you need to visit the doctor and get treatment. However, before it comes to that, take advantage of knowing its power. Use it to your advantage by saying NO to negative thoughts. What you are thinking is not necessarily true.

To start destroying negative thinking patterns, look at the articles on Predictions and PrecautionsFinding Alternative Perspectives and Challenging Negative Thoughts, which uses the below image for support:

Challenge your negative thoughts (2)