31 Days of Wellbeing: Day 20

Day 20 of 31 Days of Wellbeing

So many of us fall into the trap of people pleasing. We are so keen to please, that we become afraid to disagree with someone…afraid of admitting the films we truly enjoy because we know the others think differently….scared of showing our real opinions at work…or maybe it’s just me!

We shouldn’t be afraid. Everyone’s opinion is worth something, and it wreaks havoc with your self-esteem if you let the fear of being yourself take over to the point where you are acting like somebody else.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay

Today, please, be unashamedly you. Say what you are thinking, rather than stopping yourself for fear of saying something ‘wrong’. Listen to the music which makes your heart sing, rather than pretending to like something else. Admit that your favourite film is Lord of the Rings when your colleague talks about his hatred of fantasy films. Be quiet when you want to be, be crazy when that feeling hits…and don’t fear the reactions. There is only one of you, the world does not need clones and you need to stop denying everyone your uniqueness.

 

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Boost of the Day

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Comparison is truly the bloody thief of joy! I, amongst many others, am terrible for this. Only yesterday, I was running further than I have gone in months (rather slowly mind!), and I was beating myself up because other people were overtaking me. Why wasn’t I praising myself for running further than usual instead?

It got me thinking again about how we compare ourselves to others and the negative effect on self-esteem and happiness this has. We need to force ourselves to focus on our own story and achievements, but how realistic is this? Can we stop comparing our looks, our personality, our achievements with others? Perhaps it is a case of reminding ourselves that yes, he has a great job and she has the perfect figure, but this does not necessarily make them better or happier people. Think of your own achievements, your own unique qualities which others do not have.

In my instance, will running faster than others make me a better person than them? NO. Will running faster than others make me happier than them? Again, it’s a no. Avoiding comparison completely seems near impossible, but we can take time to put it into perspective and manage our thoughts to create a more realistic picture of ourselves and others.

Boost of the Day

to-have-extraordinary-high-expectations-of-people-to-seek-perfection-in-friends-and-family-and-partners-is-to-invite-misery-because-no-ones-perfect-and-people-will-always-disappoint-you

Love this quote from the really inspiring Davina McCall’s new book ‘Lessons I’ve Learned’ – making me very tempted to buy the whole book and she clearly has a lot of wisdom to share!

Setting yourself overly high standards is one thing that can be destructive to your wellbeing, expecting other people in your life to be perfect is even more harming. The more you can learn to accept others’ flaws and imperfections, the easier it will come to accept your own. So next time you go to criticise or moan about a loved one, give them and yourself a break!

Self-Esteem Boost: Goals

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I went for a run tonight as I am training for a 10k race in a couple of weeks, and I beat my personal 5k record. What a great feeling when you beat yourself! If you struggle with self-esteem, I would highly recommend that you set yourself a fitness goal, one that is a challenge but not so difficult you have little chance of reaching it – that will definitely make you feel worse! For example, if you’ve never run before, try a couch to 5k programme (Google this and you’ll find plans to help train for this). Or sign up to a walking challenge, a swimming event…anything with an end goal!

You may well have moments when it’s tough and you think you will never reach your aim, but hard work and determination will eventually pay off and the end feeling will be worth it I promise 🙂 If nothing else, you will improve your fitness and release some happy endorphins!

Boost of the Day

sometimes-we-need-to-go-backward-before-we-can-go-forwards

Well, after a 4 month break here I am writing again. Partly because I have missed having a hobby like this – blogging is a fantastic way to be creative and get writing. However it is also partly because I miss having an outlet where I can (hopefully) help raise others’ and my own self-esteem.

Writing this blog helped me to build myself up again after going through a period of low self-esteem, stress and depression. I have never been naive enough to think I would never feel low again, and indeed I am certainly still learning that it takes time to manage feelings of low self-worth. It is an ongoing journey and I am going backward to my blogging days to hopefully help myself and others to keep moving forwards and keep raising self-esteem.

As the boost of the day suggests, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to go backward, to reflect on the past, to regroup, to relearn and move forwards into a positive future. Life will never be a straightforward path after all!

Boost of the Day #173: Show them how to love you

Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely,that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done.

Love yourself and you will teach others to do exactly the same. Teach others to treat you with respect and love by showering yourself with care and affection. If you do not learn to love yourself, how can you expect others to?

I created this website because I understand how important self love is to happiness! Explore this website for tips on how to increase your self-esteem!

Boost of the Day #172: Be someone’s priority

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

I have spent many years of dating (mostly) men who made me anxious and miserable, and now I am in a happy relationship I can see what my issue was. I chose partners who were not ready for commitment. The ones who would be charming when we spent time together, but who were not that interested in making me their priority.

Sports, their job, other women…there was always something more important. Now I cannot believe I put up with that, why I was interested in pursing someone who did not place a high value on me. The main reason was having low self-esteem, not believing I was worthy of real devotion…hence why I write this website!

If you do not love yourself, your chances of finding a healthy, successful relationship are slim. Please take the time to improve your self-esteem, it is at the root of creating a truly happy life. Start by looking at your current relationships, and kick into touch anyone who does not make you enough of a priority.

Boost of the Day #171: Brave

Careful not to spend too much time over-thinking, over-analysing and over-reacting.

I love it when a Pixar or Disney film has strong, uplifting messages behind it. Brave is one of those films and this quote is a brilliant reminder that we are the managers of our own life. No, you cannot control everything that will happen to you, but you can choose how you react and deal with it.

It is actually a very brave thing to do, to start to take ownership of your own life and what you do with it. But taking control is how to start finding happiness, rather than letting life control you.